A Plan Gone Wrong
by Julia 'Padfoot' Weasley
Summary: It was an evidently normal day to the two boys when it happened. However, they did not expect to crash into Professor Slughorn and have something utterly bizarre happen to them. Then again, it was just a normal day for James Potter and Sirius Black. LE/JP bit of SB/RL Rated M for Language and situations


**This came to my best friends and I one day and I decided to pursue the randomness of writing this! **

It was an evidently normal day to the two boys when it happened. Both boys had decided to get up late and arrive to lessons fashionably late. However, they did not expect to crash into Professor Slughorn and have something utterly bizarre happen to them. Then again, it was just a normal day for James Potter and Sirius Black.

JPSB

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _James groggily opened his hazel eyes and frowned. He found what he was looking for and whacked it. It immediately shut up and James was able to reach over for his glasses. Once they were on, albeit a little screwed, he proceeded to talk.

"PETER! Do you always have to stand near me and make that damn awful noise just to wake me up?" He glared at the rat of a boy who shook his head. "Merlin, some people would think that you're one of them muggle alarm things…" James looked around his dormitory to see Remus sat up smiling tentatively at him whilst his best friend, Sirius took the option of sprawling himself across the floor, snoring.

"Morning, Moony!" James said as he stepped over Sirius to walk into the bathroom. He heard Remus' reply and smiled, admiring himself in the mirror. "You know what, I think I'm going to go back to bed!" He said as he strode into the bathroom, jumping over Sirius and pelting back into the warmth of his bed. Remus shook his head and frowned.

"Again James? We have Transfiguration and I know that you two are pro at it but, I don't think…" Remus continued to ramble as he sorted out his books and helped Peter dress himself. "And so, I conclude, your education is actually worth something!" James looked at him, one eyebrow raised and snorted, leaving his werewolf friend to sigh and drag Peter out of the room. James sighed and curled up in his sheets. After only lying there for a few seconds he heard a growl and something along the lines of, "Should have just mentioned something about Evans…" James smiled, knowing that Padfoot had awoken from his slumber. He heard some shuffling and eventually a heavy object sit on the end of his bed. James squinted, after all he had taken off his glasses, and saw Sirius possessively hugging his legs from the end of the bed. He mused to himself and then fell into a deep sleep, hoping to wake up for lunch.

JPSB

"Oi, mate, get up!" James was awoken by his best mate violently shaking him. The dormitory was still the same, Sirius' hair was perfect as usual and none of them were hurt, so what was the big deal? "I. Need. To. Go. To. Charms… NOW!" James raised his arms to stop Sirius' beater style attacking and sulked out of bed. He then went to his trunk and pulled out his robes and uniform. After getting dressed he turned round to his best mate and crossed his arms.

"So, what's her name? And why do you need to flirt with her in charms?" Sirius let out a wheeze of breath and started banging on about why everything he did needed to be about girls. James responded with that everything he did do indeed was about girls. The two boys grinned and Sirius lent forward.

"It's Alyssa Reid, hot chick, fine legs, problem is Theodore Nott. I heard he's teaming up with Snape so he and Snivellus can take Evans and Reid out on a double date! Now, we can't have that, can we?" James shook his head and made his way for the door.

"GENTLEMEN! WE STAND HER E TODAY TO PROTECT THE WOMEN WE LOVE." Sirius coughed. "OR WANT TO SHAG, SO THAT NO FIEND MAY TAKE HER… FOR WOMEN... FOR FREEEEDDDOOOMMM" Sirius' perfectly sculptured eyebrows rose and he snorted deliriously. The two boys then rushed down their dorm stairs into the common room. No one was there so they could easily sneak out and get to Charms without anyone noticing. Sirius would make up one of his genius excuses and it was plain sailing from there on.

But as they exited the common room and scuttled round the corner they rammed straight into a very baffled Professor Slughorn. Contents of ingredients were scattered around and on the boys as they mumbled excuses as to why they were out of lessons and looking like they had just got out of bed.

"We were, er just…"

"And, there was this dragon…"

"The woman said we should help"

"But then the elf said we couldn't…"

"Left our stuff in and…"

"POTTER… BLACK!" The best friends spun round to see a very red faced Professor McGonagall standing behind the short Professor Flitwick. After a minute of constant gulping and whining, Slughorn spoke up;

"Oh, boys, oho, forgot to say, the contents of that here potion are extremely dangerous. And that, that is when the boys pegged it down to the hospital wing feeling rather itchy, hot and overall dodgy.

JPSB

"I don't know whether we should tell them, the consequences may be…"

"Oh Poppy, NO! These boys have a right to know what has happened to them, how long did you say it'd last Horace?"

"Oho, about a day I think, not a very concentrated substance, oh no, twas quite diluted in fact, by the end of the day they should be back to their old selves."

"I pray to Merlin that they are, look at them! The pair of them… oh look, Potter's waking up!" James' eyes fluttered open, his head aching and an odd feeling covering his whole body. "Erm, Miste-… er Potter? Are you feeling alright?"

"Of course I'm… WHAT THE?" James squeaked. His voice… his perfectly manly voice had gone… girly. What was this? He sat up and looked down. Oh Merlin… this certainly wasn't his body, oh no! What he saw, in his hazel eyes, was a body of a girl. A very nice body, if he my say, but definitely not his. He blinked at his professors and saw guilt behind their eyes.

"Urm, Potter, when you and Mister Black ran into Horace, you… well unknowingly had ingredients of sex changing nature poured over you, now I will say that the effects are not permanent," Minerva said as she saw the shocked look on the boy's now womanly face, "But won't ware away until this evening… so… we've decided to allow you to go to lessons, seeing as you have missed a few today, but under female identity… that is, when Mister, I mean, Miss Black wakes up!" James looked over to his best mates bed to see what had to be, one of the most attractive girls he had ever seen, and it was his best mate! He, she… had perfectly long sleek black hair that was curled at the ends, eyelashes of the longest length, a pale complexion and a slim figure that would drive men mad. He did indeed, look like his cousin, Bellatrix. James saw Sirius' eyes open slowly, he too obviously feeling something was different. He mumbled and sat up straight.

"No need to tell me Minnie, I heard everything…" He, she, mumbled to their professor, his voice as soft as silk. "Hey there sexy!" Sirius sniggered to James, the latter frowned and crossed his arms over his chest… woah… chest! James looked down to see a pair of breasts underneath his robes.

"HOLY MERLIN I HAVE BREASTS!" Poppy glared at him as James sat back down and high fived Sirius.

"Now, ladies, you MUST not tell anyone what happened, as far as they know, James Potter and Sirius Black are in detention with me. You are Jasmine and Serena… understand?" Both girls nodded and giggles, much to their displeasure. "Right, well… off you go! I do believe you have Charms now!" The two friends groaned and trudged after the dwarf professor.

JPSB

"Okay, your go first…"

"Hi, I'm Serena, and I'm a girl!" Giggle.

"Mate… I mean, babes? You can't say 'I'm a girl', you have to act NORMAL?!" Sirius smirked, straightened out his robes and adjusted his now long and brushed hair. _Yes, he'll be fine as a girl _James thought. The two had been told to get themselves sorted in the girl's bathroom before they entered the class.

"Hi, I'm Serena, and I'm new here!" James nodded and then frowned.

"Do you think I'll get close to Lily?" Sirius shrugged and examined himself in the mirror.

"I suppose so… hey, do you think…?" Sirius' beautiful grey eyes lit up in excitement. James frowned and gave him a look; he had no idea what he was on about.

"Think what?" Sirius jumped up and down like a child that had just came up with the greatest idea in the world.

"I, have a plan!" James raised his eyebrows but allowed his mate to continue. He had a feeling that this 'plan' would go downhill from the moment the dog animagus spoke, but James kept quiet, he never liked to see Sirius upset, so he listened.

"Right, you know Nott and Snivellus plan on taking our woman?" James could hardly take him seriously, his best mate of six years was wearing a skirt, a blouse that showed a lot of cleavage and a bit of makeup, none the less, he listened, hoping this plan had something to do with getting Evans to finally fall in love with him.

"Do continue." He urged, swooping his messy brown hair out of his face. He too, was wearing standard female apparel and had learnt the ways of putting on makeup, he still didn't know how Padfoot knew how to though…

"How about, we distract the two dunderhead boys with our deviously good looks," Hair swish. "Tell the girls about how amazing we, as males are," Another Hair swish. "And then voila, we have ourselves a problem solved!" James stared at his best mate whilst another hair swish occurred. He soaked it all in a smiled, a true smile. This may actually work!

"I don't know whether to be impressed with your plan or by your French skills mate!" Both boys grinned menacingly. Suddenly, the door to the girl's bathroom swung open. Both animagus' jumped and awaited the girl that approached them. To their surprise, Lily Evans came scuttling in.

"Oh, hello…" She said, knitting her eyebrows together and frowning. She then took the prefect stance and placed one hand on her hip, her lips forming a straight line. "You girls should be in class… I know you may think your looks are important but..." She then went on to a rant much like that of Remus' earlier that morning. James didn't care though; she was no doubt the most beautiful girl in the whole school… no scratch that! The whole world… but she hated him. That was the dilemma that James faced every day of his life. This, beautiful, intelligent witch hated his guts and that only made him want her more. Stuff Snivellus, he only hurts her with crude comments about her blood status. Well, to James, Lily was perfect, vision of beauty, didn't matter about whether she was Muggleborn or the purest witch around, James just knew one thing, he loved her.

"Are you even listening to me?" James jumped out of his day dreaming faze to see both Sirius and Lily looking at him, Lily's a face of disgust whilst he could see Sirius was trying to hold back a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I was!" James mumbled as Lily stared at him sceptically. "I'm Jasmine by the way!" He thrust out his rather small looking hands and smiled, he could see Lily contemplating his move but soon shrugged it off. James was thrilled when Lily's soft vanilla scented hand placed itself into his. They shook hands and the Lily turned to Sirius.

"And you are?" She asked him, her green orbs squinting at him. James, who was now behind Lily urged Sirius to speak.

"Urm… Serena… hi!" James let out a sigh of relief as Lily shook hands with his best friend, none the wiser of who they were. Lily nodded curtly and puffed out her chest a bit, showing off her prefects badge. "So… what you doing in here?" Sirius asked in his usual obnoxious tone, although in female form, it came across as bitchy. Lily scowled and shook her head slightly, examining herself in the mirror.

"Just… my friend, he… well, we had a fight, so I thought I might just freshen up!" Almost instantly, James saw the small tears starting to form in the redheads eyes. His heart swelled as he tried to think of what to do.

"Well, he's an arse then!" Saved by the Black. James smiled slightly as Sirius leant over the sink, his grey eyes scanning Evans' face. "I wouldn't date a man who can't protect me!" Lily sniffed and turned to face Sirius, her face all of a flurry.

"I will have you know, I can protect myself! You're sounding like Sirius Black… come to mention it, you do kind of look like him… are you related?" Sirius' eyes widened in horror and he looked down to his shoes. James had to intervene.

"All inbred that lot; I'd be surprised if they weren't!" James laughed nervously as he tugged his best mates arm. "Oh look, we're late for Potions, Tara, see you later!" And with that, the two boys pegged it out of the bathroom and scuttled down the hallways.

JPSB

"Oho, class listen up! Lovely, now I'd like you to meet Serena and Jasmine… two lovely ladies from Beauxbatons… obviously expert speakers in English so no need for any translators… oho… carry on" James snickered at Slughorn's pathetic attempt to be discrete. Sirius on the other hand had something else on his mind. It seemed Reid had a spot next to her that was currently taken by Nott. Sirius was frowning like a madman and James nearly had to jump on him to keep him back. Alyssa seemed to notice this and gave them both an odd look and turned back to flirt with Nott, the slimy bastard.

"I'll go distract Snivellus, you go flirt with Nott, and please don't make it too obvious you want to hex the living daylights out of him." And with that, James had left to skip… yes skip, over to Snape. Sirius frowned and walked slowly over to the table where Reid and Nott were. He flicked his hair as he came into Nott's view who had only just noticed him.

"Hi, I'm Serena," Sirius said, fluttering the long lashes he owned. "You must be Alyssa, gosh, you're so pretty!" Reid smiled softly at the compliment and scanned Sirius' face.

"Do I know you from somewhere, you look familiar…" Sirius shook his head and some of his hair flung itself into his face. "Oh well, never mind, you can sit here next to Theodore if you wish… I'm kind of hoping Black comes in, I need to talk to him…" Sirius nearly jumped at her from across the table but didn't.

"Oh, he's lush isn't he, that Mr Black. But I hear he likes you… lucky thing," Sirius giggled and felt ridiculous but knew his act was working. Nott on the other hand, who Sirius had just learnt that his first name was Theodore, was trying to keep his cool in front of the two girls.

"Yes… in fact, you look awfully like him. Are you two related?" Sirius sucked in some air and tried to stay calm. But luckily he was saved by Nott. Oddest sentence ever created, that one was…

"Well, they're all inbred that lot so I wouldn't be surprised." Sirius scowled, not ALL of his family were inbred… or so he thought.

"How rude!" Sirius' head whipped up to see Alyssa's face red. "Sirius is NOT inbred. He's more of a man than YOU Nott!" Nott gulped and looked at Sirius who just fluttered his eyelashes. Sirius crept closer to the Slytherin and whispered in his ear.

"I do believe you should leave her to her 'precious Black' and have some fun with me!" Sirius nearly spilled the whole of last night's feast from his stomach but held it down. Nott nodded and went back to his work; Sirius then scuttled back to Alyssa and started naming amazing facts about the one, and only, Sirius Black.

Meanwhile, James Potter found himself in a rather boring, deep conversation on essence of Dittany with Snivellus, much to his annoyance. He needed to act, and act fast. The potion would wear off by the end of the day and it was nearly lunch! James glanced over to where Sirius appeared to be secretly complimenting his male identity to Alyssa. James sighed and ran a hand through his messy 'long' hair and sighed. Seeing this, Snivellus shifted in his seat and stopped mid conversation.

"Please don't do that…" James raised his head and frowned. "Potter does that…" James noticed the venom in his voice when he said James' surname. "Merlin knows why Lily likes him." James squeaked.

"Lily likes me?" Snape gave him a poignant look. "I mean, Potter?" Snape nodded as if it was obvious. James felt his heart flutter and smiled dopily.

"Obviously." Snape drawled. James raised his eyes at what seemed to be the longest formation of one word, ever. "He's got wit, looks and he doesn't half strut!"

"I DO NOT STRUT!" James snapped. Suddenly, the whole classroom flocked their gaze to James. Sirius, who had his eyes as wide as ever, spoke first.

"Er… Jasmine?" Sirius squeaked. "The… thing is wearing off…" James frowned and looked down; he saw that his chest was slowly deflating. He gulped and turned to Snape who looked furious.

"POTTER!" Snape growled. How the hell could he tell it was him, he wasn't even… dear god, and he was losing his sight… of course! He hadn't had to war his glasses all day, and now, well, he need them more than ever.

"Sorry babe, gotta dash!" And with that, James/Jasmine, bolted from the room. Snape sighed and shook his head, he hated the Potter boy, but he had to admit, James Potter had NO style…

Meanwhile, Sirius was still opening and closing his mouth like a fish. He didn't notice the signal for class to finish, or that Nott had snaked his arms around his waist. Sirius jumped and turned round to face Nott. Suddenly he was being kissed. THIS WAS NOT HAPPENING.

"Er, Theo… lemme… go!" Sirius kept being cut off by Nott's foul mouth. He soon felt Nott's tongue slip over his lips and that was when Sirius was pulled into a closet by the Slytherin.

JP

James was running, clearly as fast as he could. He didn't know where but he HAD to get away from Snivellus. He knew he was a Slytherin who elongated his words but never knew that sitting next to him for just ONE LESSON could be so utterly boring. So as James Potter was running through the corridors of Hogwarts he didn't think to realise to look where he was going. THUD.

"Watch it will yo- OH LILY!" James looked underneath him to see the sniffing Redhead. "Jeez, I didn't mean to knock you over Lils, I'm sorry." He rambled as he heaved himself off of her and held out his hand. Surprisingly, she took it and he helped her up. This was when James acknowledged the red puffy eyes and messed up clothes. James frowned. "What's up Lilyflower?" He asked, stroking away some of her lose hair. She sniffed.

"Oh, just a run in with some of Severus' _chums_…" Lily winced as James' hand fell over her swollen cheek. James felt his anger bubble as he grinded his teeth. Lily, clearly sensing this blushed and started to babble about James getting into trouble and it not being worth it. James turned on Lily and glared.

"Not worth it? Lily, they've hurt you… I'll kill them." Lily's soft green eyes saddened and James felt his heart strings tug. "Lils, you can-I mean, those dicks need to be sorted out. They can't keep doing this to you!" Lily whimpered as James pulled his hand away from her face and sighed, throwing his own up in the air. "Where's Sirius?" He grumbled, he needed his right hand man to sort out the Slytherin's. He almost felt bad that he had left Padfoot with Nott, but then again, it was Sirius Black, he was fine!

JP

"If you put your hand down my skirt… I'll knife you!" Nott chuckled as he continued to molester Sirius. The later was not having any fun in this. In fact, he was currently trying to jab his wand into Nott's crotch but was failing miserably.

Suddenly the door was wretched open and Sirius was met with the warm eyes of Remus Lupin. Remus stared at the young woman in front of him and frowned. The resemblance to his best friend Sirius was uncanny. The girl before him was extremely attractive and found himself blushing when the girl beamed at him and ripped herself off the Slytherin.

"Thank god you found me!" She said, latching herself onto Remus' arm. Remus nodded and frowned at Nott.

"Don't you have another woman to rape?" He said, raising his voice slightly and puffing out his prefect badge. Nott growled but scampered off none the less, leaving Remus and the mysterious female. Remus tilted his head to the girl who seemed to be deep in thought. "Are you okay?" She jumped as he spoke and looked up at him. Her clear grey eyes searched his face till she spoke;

"Oh shit! I forgot about Jam-Jasmine! Quick!" She grabbed Remus' hand and dragged him along the now deserted corridors. Remus continued to blush as he made his way, following the rambling mysterious girl. "What if… oh merlin I do hope not, she's going to and-" CRASH. Remus looked down to see himself on the floor tangled with James, Lily and surprisingly Sirius. He looked around to try and see the girl when he felt something warm leave his hand. He looked to see Sirius remove his paw like hand from Remus' and grin sheepishly.

"Alright, alright, can someone please tell me what is going on… and why does James smell like Snape?"

JP

"You kissed Nott? Oh mate that IS priceless!" James laughed as he downed his butterbeer. Lily chuckled herself as she sipped her drink and took a quick glance at James' draping arm over her shoulder, she didn't move however, just blushed.

"Yeah well, it was horrible, and if Moony here hadn't of saved me I would have been…" Sirius shivered and the table roared with laughter. Their small table at the back of the Three Broomsticks housed all of the Marauders and a blushing Lily Evans.

"I still can't believe that I thought you were hot?" Remus muttered, scratching his head as he didn't look up from his mug. Sirius barked a laugh and slapped him on the back making him choke slightly.

"Who doesn't find me attractive?" The table burst into agreement until Peter piped up.

"Well, Alyssa Reid doesn't! I saw her and Amos Diggory having a bit of a snog fest!" Sirius' face fell slightly for a second till he regained his arrogant pureblood smirk.

"I'll have to take up on that offer then Moony!" Remus shook his head and smiled slightly as Peter attempted an arm wrestle with the back to confident Sirius.

"She's a slut anyway." All eyes locked onto Lily Evans as she flicked a bit of striking red hair out of her ebony eyes. James looked down at her and frowned.

"Vulgar language is not very ladylike Miss Evans," he joked, sliding his hand so it rested on her hip. The witch rolled her eyes and continued.

"I heard she's planning on marrying Amos and having a child with him! And naming the baby Cedric, what sort of name is that?" Sirius snorted into his mug and Peter nearly fell off his chair.

"Peter's definitely a sexier name."

"WHAT? No, Sirius is definitely the name for the future baby Potter!"

Remus was about to interject when Lily slammed her mug down on the table, her fiery eyes alight.

"I think James and I shall be naming our child!" Silence. Lily gulped as she realised what she said, nervously she raised her head to see James beaming down at her, his hazel eyes sparkling.

"You mean that?" Lily nodded slowly and James let out a victory cry. "Go out with me Evans!" After what seemed like hours for James, Lily, his perfect Lilyflower, the one he loved more than anything, nodded her perfect head. She then rested it upon his chest and buried her flushed face into his chest as catcalls erupted from the rest of the Marauders.

James looked up to see Sirius wriggling his eyebrows, Remus shaking his head but laughing and Peter clapping happily to himself. James, well he felt like his head was going to explode, he should definitely turn into a girl more often.

"Can we name our child Sirius, Remus?" _And there goes the perfect moment_ James thought. Oh well, it was bound to happen. He laughed with the rest of them as Sirius copied Lily's actions and swooned and buried his mess of hair into Remus' robes. Remus himself blushed and pushed the animagus away, chuckling to himself.

Was there ever a normal day with the Marauders? No, and that was just the way Remus liked it.


End file.
